


There's a war in my head and I think I'm losing

by Marial1_K



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Other, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 12:59:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17183444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marial1_K/pseuds/Marial1_K
Summary: Bipolar disorder and the way he dealt with it.





	There's a war in my head and I think I'm losing

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a quote I saw on tumblr. I don't really know much about this disease, so if there's anything wrong, please tell me so I can correct it.   
> Hope you like

Ian Gallagher was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 18. He did everything he could to not believe it. But there was a war in his head. It was him fighting against himself, and his enemy's strategy was to convince him that it wasn't really happening. He was losing when he was both high or low, and for a long time he was only losing. He believed the part of him that told him nothing was wrong. He thought that everyone else saying he had the same disease as his mother was crazy. He didn't want to believe it. And at first, everything was okay. Or was it? He wasn't himself, the happy Ian everybody knew. When he kidnapped Yevgeny and got caught was the first time he questioned his sanity. So, when they took him to the clinic, he didn't procrastinate a lot, and only needed an approving look from Mickey to sign the papers. But even after he got out, he wasn't sure that it was true. He flushed his pills down the toilet the very next day and by no means would he go to buy new ones, no matter how much his family pushed him to do it. He started working at Patsy's to both help Fiona run it a little easier, and to help easy his wandering mind. But something was clawing it's way out in his head. Something was gnawing at his mind to let it out, to let it ruin him, to hurt him. And it did. He hurt himself that day. And he again didn't take his meds. Because a part of him was still losing the war. Sitting on a chair in an office in military prison, seeing the look of despair in Mickey's eyes, and listening his siblings talk about him and his disease, was the first strike for him. The second strike hit him when he run away with his mom and saw the way she was leaving. He hadn't answered any of the calls done to his phone. Because if he did, it meant that he really believed he was bipolar. But to do that, he would have to have won the war on his mind. And he hadn't yet. He was still fighting against the thing that was clawing his insides. He didn't want anyone else suffering with him, so he broke up with his boyfriend. Because too much was wrong with him and he couldn't do anything about that. He couldn't fix him, because he wasn't broken. He didn't need to be fixed, he was himself. Mickey got locked up that same day and Ian started up on his meds again. He visited him only once and didn't think of him again. At least that's what he let everyone else believe. It was when Mickey busted out,that Ian started questioning everything again. When Mickey crossed the border and Ian was left again with nothing, he came back to his normal-ass life. But the thing started clawing again. It started whining and whimpering, wanting to be let out. The war wasn't over yet. And at the end, because fighting against yourself to keep your sanity and not crumble down from it is hard, he lost the battle


End file.
